best textsfromlastnight.com texts

(217):

you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

(610):

it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

(651):

All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

(905):

gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

(303):

i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

(816):

If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

(339):

i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

(225):

ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today

                                                                                                                                                         *poof*
                                                                                                                                                          fatima